A little piece of my soul :P

I NEVER show things I write.. so this is pretty exclusive ;)


I wish it would just go away
The addiction, contagious. The anger; I'm faking. The pain.
You come in out of nowhere and want to be my friend
I'm falling over again.
Will you be there in the end?

I give more than I can take
'Cuz you don't offer enough. I called your bluff when
You said
You'd never let me down
I'm falling over again.
You'll never come around.
I said
All the hate I'm pretending is just my heart defending and
I said
Someday you'll wake up and see
You got the best of me.
I'm falling over again.

And I'm sorry you're blind
To all the fights worth fighting.
Looking back; All the times
You've pushed me out. Far away. You're fading away.
You've failed me again. Oh, your excuses.
You've fallen over again.
Loving you is useless.
And I can't do this.
I've fallen over again.

You won't be there in the end.



P.S.- don't ask me who this is about :P... I have a weird way of writing :P

Sorry, Mike..

highlight of my week...?

Remememembing Sundae?

Today was a good day. Yay.

First day back to physics.
Kill meee.
Actually, it's my favorite class right now. Just because I love the people in my class. But physics itself is not all that great ;)

Soccer was AMAZING. Not even sure why. It was so much fun though. Maybe because I didn't feel lazy this time? I was really sad I had to leave early though to go to drivers ed...
but I heard the score ended up being 8-7? aww yeah.

Soo yeah. I walked to drivers ed after soccer.... AND I'm pleased to inform you all that today didn't suck so bad! :P I actually talked to a few people today.. and the guys that were doing stuff to the back of my head weren't there today.. so happy day!

AND. I didn't have an anxiety attack!
As I have informed some of you, I've been having a teensy bit of health-related issues :P You know. Racing heartbeat, breathing abnormally, legs going limp, room spinning, near-fainting... miiinor things like that ;)
So I don't know what's wrong with me. But hopefully I'll recover.

~Random story of the day that I realized was REALLY entertaining after it happened!:~
So I went to Quiznos tonight after my class, and I went in with my grandma and my brother. My brother was being a naughty, naughty boy. I'm not sure if he INTENDS on knocking everything over and stealing a few bags of chips, but it sure would seem that way. Anyway. This young-ish guy was ringing our food up, and my grandma is across the room trying to peel my brother off the chip rack. So this guy is just standing there behind the counter with our sandwiches and total (probably expecting us to pay for the food) and I'm just standing on the other side of the counter... with no money... trying to get my grandma's attention (you'd think she's gone deaf, but I'm convinced she just ignores me)... so out of awkwardness, I blurt out "you look familiar".

Crappp. I hate talking to random people.

Anyway. I'm sick of typing this story because it's not funny anymore. I'll just tell you the conversation was a complete downfall from there :P

I realized I don't have ANY of my own emotions! :P I'm like a chamelion, I swear. My mood is 100% based upon the people around me. Not healthy. (Don't say anything, Rachel :P)

Weeeeell... my sister's birthday party is tomorrow.. I'll probably end up spending the day in my room doing homework. uhggg.

I want IHOP.

Old Quotes.

My life doesn't really have any updates :P
But I found this quote file from like, last year-2 years ago?
I thought it was really funny because, well, some of these aren't that funny :P
Congratulations, everyone! You've all advanced in your sense of humor!

ALEX:
"Yeah, i love cuddling with dogs over one hundred pounds."

"I had a dream he was a midget with a blonde afro and nerdy sunglasses"

"Have fun making Jonah an emotional mess!"

*Alex giving me the live, cliff, or kiss*
"Actually, the first three that came to mind were me, my dog, and my dad."


ANDREA:
"Good job, fishie! *feeds you some balls of crap* go fetch."

"...at Ryan's house... he has THE perfect bookshelf to make out by."

"joo?
joooooolo
jewo!
jello
jelly
JONAH
RACHEL!!!"

"Lying is naughtttty. Jesus says no... but the devil says yesssss."

me: I'm so smooth!
Andrea: ..like my butt!


Andrew:
"Yeah I know, trust me, one look at one of those Mexican guys and your practically married."

"If I'm in my bed on time, my mom reads me Jack and the Bean Stock"

"My older sister called from her house to tell my mom that she cut the tip of her finger off with a chese cutter.... I laughed, but then my mom glared at me so I decided to show some artificial sympothy"

"Hope you get lucky!
...OMG! that sounds waaaaaay worse than I meant....
I meant I hope you get lucky finding a Mexican to ski with...."

"Ryan says to ask if that's an innuendo...... cause all I have is a pair of furry ones."
(there's so many things I want to quote from the rest of that conversation.. but.. won't)


BRITTANY:
""Looking into your eyes, Ryan, is like looking into the belly of a dead jellyfish.. there is just so much there.""

"Ryan to me... is like Will, from the show Will and Grace...
do you know who will is?
....he is gay"
(I have like 15 more Ryan jokes, but I'll stop there :P)

"If caleb killed me... He would prolly make me into a backpack with matching shoes"


HANNAH:
"Did u see the hugemungous SNOW FLAKES yesterday???!!!
i tried to hug one. but it melted..."

"AEIAEIAEIAEAEIAEIAE!!!"
(Battle cry! :D)

"I'm putting Ben in a body bag as we type"

Hannah: "We're both pretty young still....... and so i think we should just be friends for now! BUT I STILL LOVE YOU!*sweats under armpits* they tickle. this is awkward.*breathes fast*"
me: "I think we need to break up right about now."

"then there'd be guyyysss in the house! *haunted music plays*"


JONAH:
"...and thats why everyone hates you!"

"Yeah I had a guppy but she looked like you so i killed it."

"Give your fatty yogurt to andrea so no guys like her."

"I just pasted what you said she said
she said you said I said
thats what she said."

"Jonah and Hilda sittin in a tree, s-t-a-p-l-i-n-g
...sometimes when we kiss, she misses and i get a bloody lip"


MIKE:
"I'm surprised you beat out the rubix cube Jeff was previously bringing to the prom."

"Hold that thought, my doorbell just rang and now I have to get a stick to ward off any creepy old men"

"I'm really curious.
who are the 5 top guys in the group?
myself excluded, obviously I can't take up all five"

"The way I see it is you, Anni, Andrea and Rachel
are highly considered amongst my kind.
..Granted, 68% of those poled were blind mexicans"

"She is like a sister, which is why so many homeschooled guys like her"


NATE:
"Our first concept will be logical thinking.
Because logical thinking = good.
And good = Nate, so Nate = logical.
Therefore, Nate can teach logic"

"Here. Play in this padded room where you can't hurt yourself. The shrinks will be in soon with your applesauce..."

"He named his biceps!
...and all his chins!"


RACHEL:
"I was gonna call you...but then i was afraid.. that you would be crying...OR sleeping!"

"*sniffs the poop burrito*"

"thats the effect i have on guys
...magical."


RYAN:
"..at least i can be humble at times...when you remind me"

"She's like a poster.... NOT THAT KIND OF POSTER YOU SICKO!"

"'AH im alone with ryan!' - tis every girls dream..."

"I know no one who likes me, except Alex, but he is too short"

"This is a lame song
it doesn't have enough sexual references :P"

"w00t!! I am totally bisexual!
I mean... gay!"

I am THOROUGHLY ticked off.

I just spent over a half an hour pouring my heart out into my blog.
and it didn't SAVE. I almost kicked the monitor, but I resisted. (Bonus points for Brooke)

I'm not going into thoughts again, too much work. I'll give you a brief update of my past 2 days.

Let's try this again.

Yesterday was FREEZING. My mom forbade me to leave the house because it was so cold out. But I, with my high and mighty convincing skills (repetitive bugging), convinced my mom to let me go with Andrew.

The plan was:
-go to the zoo {because Andrew hadn't been there in forever and he could get free passes from the library}
-go out to eat
-go see Seven Pounds with peeps.

The problem was:
-Andrew couldn't get the free passes
-we discovered the zoo closed 25 minutes after we arrived
-we still had 3 hours to waste

We considered seeing a movie, going out to dinner, and then seeing a movie again, but we decided against it.

The plan became:
-waste time at Carmike Theatre looking at movie posters
-eat at Old Country buffet for an hour and a half
-go to the library and look up hil-ARIOUS videos from SNL {which turned out to be even funnier because we were both sitting in a library trying not to snort or burst into an obnoxious laugh}

Seven Pounds was... I don't even know. The end was incredible, but the rest of the movie was crap. I think the end made the whole movie worthwhile though. Actually, that's a lie. Jonah made the whole movie worthwhile.

slurp.

I eventually made it home with only four near-ditch experiences.
{way to slow down on the curves, Andrew}

-----
Today I arose to my mom telling me I had soccer to attend.
Crap. I totally forgot.
I was SOOO tired.

But soccer was good. I left with only a minor Tucker kick to the stomach
{I have to make you feel bad, even though it was like, nothing!} ;)
..and a mysterious titanic bruise on my knee. weird.
-----

Then my lil spice melon {formerly known as R-Ab, some call her Rachel. not sure what that's about} brought Qdoba to my house for dinner! QUESO!

We ate, baked 6 {only 6} M&M cookies, took a brief nap on my bed with our eyes open, and then went on our way to the PLHS play. There I reunited with my BFF from forever. also weird.

Side note: We made it to the high school with only one incident of running a red light. while screeching "EEEEEEEEEEEE!!" the whole way through the intersection. Good times.

I've decided I love Rachel.

boreboringboredom

Once upon a time, Brooke made a random video that apparently made everybody laugh. That was sooo fun to make. But the sad news is that I don't have a camera anymore :(

I want to keep doing stuff like that.. I love doing anything with a camera (though it usually helps to have a camera.. you know).

Guys. I have such a boring life. It's extremely sad. I haven't stepped outside the house since Sunday afternoon. (except when my mom was brilliant enough to drive her van into the ditch at the end of our driveway and I had to attempt to shovel her out). Yeah. Try shoveling snow out of a DITCH sometime. Suuuper fun.

My new un-see-through Hollister sweat-capris make me happy. Random thought.

I've decided the show "Punk'd" is hilarious. And I didn't realize it was on channel 45 at like 2 in the morning :P That was fun.

Ummmmmmm... I'm really bored with life right now! Nooot even kiiidddddingggg. (<----doing this to bug Mike). No but really. :P

That's about all.

(Oh. Yesterday I had my first cookie in 2 weeks)

Woosh.

I am unbelievably crabby :P I said I was crabby in my last update.. but that was nothing compared to now :P

I AM SO SICK OF MY INTERNET. It's SOO frustrating having it turn on and off constantly all day. And when it's on, someone else is usually on it. *hiss* I'm super ticked because I've basically saved up for a Mac.. but my parents refuse to get wireless internet and they said a wireless router won't work.

I've also felt like complete crap today. I got no sleep last night.. (or the night before, or the night before, or the night beforeeee) and then me in my brilliant mind decided to go running at about noonish.. great idea until I basically tripped over my legs and started blacking out a few times.

Homework sucks. It's really frustrating because my mom isn't cooperating with me :P I'll ask for a test or something, and she'll procrastinate SO bad and then I never get it done. And then she gets mad at me for procrastinating on my homework and not getting things done. There's no way out. It's a lose-lose situation.

I'm just gonna stop at how amazing my day was and not go into my inner thoughts. It's for your own good ;)
....hopefully tomorrow will be a more appealing day.

p.s.- should I start making my blog posts pretty with bold italic and underlineee and biggly smallish fonts and stuff?

Let me poof your hair.

I was soo crabby when I woke up this morning. Not cool :P I ended up going to the mall with Seth Patrin and Brett today... due to getting accidentally invited? :P Then I came home and did soo much homework. I made progress though. Cool beans. And now I'm addicted to online Scrabble... after humbly creaming Nate. mahaha.

I've decided I have a personality disorder :P I think too much.. Process too much.. Read into things too much.. I would say I'm overall a really happy, bubbly person.. but when you leave me alone with my thoughts my brain is a whole different creature.

I have so many thoughts that I can never process into words. I spend SO much time trying to decode my thoughts and feelings.. it drives me crazy! And then when I finally figure it out, I either A.) forget everything within 5 minutes, or B.) force myself to keep it to myself. I'm.. awesome :P hehe.

I'm not really in a depressing mood though.. just kind of one of those stare-at-the-ceiling nights. I've been having those a lot :P My ceiling gets a lot of attention. In fact, Jeff named my ceiling. I forgot what, though. I'll have to ask him.

I got cuuuuteee new hollister sweat-capris today! (they're like sweatpants but not)

Ughh. I want cake. Or a... torte :P

This whole routine is getting old. So am I. So are you.

Meehhhh.... life!

I really need to start sleeping at normal hours. Like, really.

But! I've been a good little girl and haven't eaten any dessert food since Rachel FORCE-FED me ice cream last week! And I've only had pop once... AND! I haven't had fast food in a really, really long time..... okay it's torture! :P I wanna cooooooooookie. But dessert food has seriously become an addiction! The other night I almost hyperventilated because there was a Subway cookie sitting on the counter and I was forcing myself not to eat it! :P My body is going into starvation mode! So children, do not try this at home (without consulting your doctor first). You may go into a crazy mental state..

As most of you are aware, I went snowboarding on Monday. It was painfully fun! I still can barely move my arm above my shoulder.. and the other night my grandma was making fun of me at dinner because I couldn't cut my steak without tearing up :P haha.. but at least I have abs now.

Onto a more serious note, there kinda been a lot on my mind lately.. just been kind of overwhelmed with a lot a spiritual things, friend things, family things, body image things, school things... So I've kinda been standing on the edge lately. I'll survive though, I promise ;)

I've been writing a lot lately.. but I'm debating posting them.. I kinda like having a secret file of my writings ;) but sharing them is fun too? I dunno! Maaaaybe I'll post one next time. Mebbe.